By Moulana Abdul Hameed Ishaq, Azaadville
1. Bear in mind that your daughter-in-law is a human being with aspirations and feelings. She has made a great sacrifice to come and serve your son for the rest of her life. Treat her like your own daughter. Remember when you were a daughter-in-law. As you desired to be treated, treat her. Remove the jealousy which generally comes into the heart that someone new has come and taken over my son whom I brought up with great pain.
2. Give gifts to her. This will create love between you’ll.
3. Do not demand control of your son’s money. It is for him to use in an appropriate manner.
4. Never compare one’s daughter-in-law with another, or with your daughters. Every person is different and has different abilities. Look at the good in everyone.
5. Overlook faults and errors. Your daughter-in-law is still naive. In all likelihood, you made the same errors when you were young.
6. If she lives with you, do not expect her to do everything in the house. However, if the kitchen is one, then some ‘ulema, have stated that it will be better if the mother-in-law hands it over completely to her daughter-in-law, if she is happy to accept this responsibility. If not, then rather have turns in the kitchen, because generally problems start in the kitchen. Everyone’s ways and methods are different.
7. Think before you speak. What you say to your daughter, you cannot say to your daughter-in-law, since your daughter has natural love for you whereas your daughter-inlaw’s love for you will have to be slowly cultivated. Even if she errs, be careful as to how you correct her. Sometimes, even a wrong word, however innocent it may be, can cause problems. It is a delicate situation.
8. Never discuss your one daughter-in-law with the other or discuss them with even your own sisters, daughters or best friends. If a secret cannot stay in your mouth, how do you expect it to remain in someone else’s? Discussing with others is just looking for problems. If you have a problem, speak directly to the one concerned.
9. Learn from your mistakes. If you have once said something that created a problem, make sure you never repeat it.
10. Be simple. No one is perfect. Do not be unnecessarily fussy about things that are not really a life-or-death situation.
11. Be generous in praising their cooking, baking, etc. even though it is not up-to your standards.
12. Never drag your daughter-in-law into any disagreement between yourself and your son. If you are upset with your son for any reason, there is no need to pass the message via your daughter-in-law or get upset with her. Speak directly to your son.
Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Council of Muslim Theologians
223 Alpine Road, Overport, Durban
Tel : +27 (0) 31 2077099
Fax : +27(0) 31 2074163
Website : www.jamiat.org.za